Now... this isn't cheating, is it? I am still young enough to pull the lack-of-an-identity card, technically making this a portrait of someone that I don't know, while simultaneously knowing them all too well.
It is a self-portrait (yes, I do still wear scarves around my house). I've never actually done a portrait of myself in the current moment before, they've always been from pictures. Now um... I guess I am now going to attempt seamlessly transitioning in to the "story" portion of this post. The whole reason of why I elected this person to do a portrait of in the first place.
I had an epiphany today. It was something a long the lines of "talk moreso about the things you love, and complain less about the things you hate." It came to me while watching a Henry Rollins clip on youtube lol. He was talking about go-to conversation topics that he tries to avoid on dates, things such as your top 5 bands, or top 5 foreign films. It got me thinking, that I don't ever really discuss those kinds of things that I love, with people that I would like to befriend normally. What do I talk about? It's all surface stuff. "Hey. How are you? Good? Me too." Blech. There is depth here somewhere though, hidden within my silence. And it hadn't ever occurred to me before, that I could delve in to that.
My favorite band/artist? Shiina Ringo/Tokyo Jihen (who is disbanding at the end of February, by the way :( ).
I never tell anyone that. You wanna know why? Because it is something so precious to me. This is, albeit a small bit of, my happiness. And, I dunno, for me, it's like whenever I have something that I hold with that high level of regard, I want to protect it always. So I don't share it's beauty with anyone. I guess I'm afraid of how these treasures will be received. If my love for Shiina were to be met with a scoff, I would probably be raging on the inside hahahaha, and that's never good.
But I should share this with more people. (This might start to sound really corny) but her music to me, is something that reaches out and grabs my heart. It reminds me that I'm alive, and it makes me feel like my soul isn't alone. Yep. It goes that deep.
But that's the beauty of art, isn't it? It's ability to connect people, who otherwise would never have a reason to interact, and get them all on the same playing field as equals, who simply want an escape, even if it's only for the smallest bit. I had forgotten about the power art held in recent years, and looked for my fulfillment elsewhere, when it's been buried in the back of my closet all along.
It's the reason why I pursued an Art Degree first, even though I knew there was little money to be had in it. Because money was not the important thing, the human connection was.
Cool Story Bro-time: When I was in High School, I did theater as well, because I was curious about all of the arts and wanted to try a bit of everything. I got a part in the musical, "Fiddler on the Roof." After our last show, a woman that I had never met before came up to me, and told me thank you. "You did a great job, this was the highlight of my day. Thank you." I might tear up, dude hahaha.
But that power to connect me with people I've never met before, that's amazing. And I want to get back in touch with that. We're not alone, we just need a medium within which to connect to each other. So, um, yes. Art is my happiness.
Aaaaand I'll include a comparison shot, to kind of juxtapose with the portrait if you will. I think I've drawn my nose a bit differently than reality, but whatcha gonna do?
Someone new next time, I promise. Legitimately new, and non-self-indulgent.
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